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5/30/2008

Cory Silverberg: Types of Orgasms

Are there Clitoral and Vaginal Orgasms?
Descriptions of different types of orgasms, like definitions of orgasms are far from exact. There are no standard or universally identified types of orgasms and when you read about different styles or types of orgasms you are really just reading someone’s description of what they have either experienced themselves or observed in others.

To make matters more complicated, most of the “types of orgasm” you read about these days are coming from someone trying to sell you a book, a toy, or a sexual lifestyle.

Truly my least favorite type of orgasm is the “fad orgasm.” These are the orgasms created for marketing purposes to sell a book, DVD, or sex toy, which may be true for the one “sexpert” who is telling you about them, but may not ring true for you or anyone else.

Rather than thinking of orgasms like products you can buy that come in economy, medium, or deluxe, I prefer to think of orgasms like snowflakes; no two are alike, they’re free, they melt in your mouth, and not even the weather forecast can predict when they’ll come.

Here are some ways people have distinguished types of orgasms.
Clitoral versus Vaginal Orgasms
This distinction was popularized by Sigmund Freud, who linked orgasm to our psychological development.
A clitoral orgasm is brought about by clitoral stimulation and a vaginal one through vaginal penetration. Freud argued that clitoral orgasms were characteristic of the young and immature, and vaginal orgasms represented the healthy female sexual response. As such, a woman who could only have orgasms from clitoral stimulation was stuck in her development. This theory has been largely discounted, although there are still a few curious (and not surprisingly male) researchers desperately clinging to the idea. An additional problem with this distinction is that it doesn’t describe how the orgasms feel or what their detailed physiological or psychological effects are, it focuses on the method of achieving orgasm.

In Orgasms for Two, the wonderful, and highly recommended follow up to her groundbreaking book Sex for One, Betty Dodson offers a practical breakdown of nine different types of orgasms, seven of which are listed below.

Cory Silverberg: What is Sexual Response?

Sexual response is usually understood to mean things that we don’t consciously control. So, for example, choosing to take your clothes off because you’re partner is calling you to bed to have sex isn’t, strictly speaking, sexual response. Pouring a drink on someone who is being sexually inappropriate, while also a “response” to (unwanted) sexual advances, also isn’t, strictly speaking, part of sexual response.

Sexual response is usually measured in the body. Things like increased heart rate, flushed skin, dilation of the pupils, heightened awareness, are all parts of sexual response. Sex researchers have also traditionally defined male sexual response as distinct and different from female sexual response.

What is a Sexual Response Cycle?
Sexual response cycles were first devised as a way for scientists, doctors, and therapists to try and make sense of how our bodies respond to sexual stimulation.
The idea of there being a predictable cycle, one that is similar for everyone, is an artificial creation, but it can be helpful when studying or trying to treat sexual complaints and dissatisfaction. The original research that proposed sexual response cycles is over thirty years old, and for the most part the theory has gone unchallenged, with a few notable exceptions.

The original sexual response cycle as defined by Masters and Johnson in 1966 described a process for both men and women of increasing arousal to climax, and included four phases:

1. Excitement phase
2. Plateau phase
3. Orgasm phase
4. Resolution phase

Helen Singer Kaplan, a prominent sex therapist and author working around the same time as Masters and Johnson, proposed a slightly different model of sexual response. Her proposal grew not out of physiological research in a laboratory, but out of her clinical experience as a sex therapist. For Kaplan, sexual response included:

* Desire
* Excitement
* Orgasm

One of the most important parts of this model is the addition of desire, which is primarily psychological. Nowadays “disorders of desire” are all the rage among pharmaceutical companies looking for a female version of Viagra.
Benefits of the Sexual Response Cycle Concept
Sexuality is so complicated, and is deeply connected to our physical, psychological, and spiritual selves. Because of this, it can be difficult to see the forest from the trees when it comes to our own sex lives.

Sexual response cycles can be a helpful way to start teasing apart sexual experiences, and thinking about sexual behavior in terms of a cycle of sexual response can give people clarity and help them better understand what’s going on for them. But it is important not to let the idea of a “typical” or “normal” sexual response cycle make you feel bad if you’re experience doesn’t match what it says in a textbook (or on a website).

In reality, the sexual response is an imposition on a very fluid process of excitement, arousal, tension, release, and more. At times there may be a “typical” pattern, but other times things will be completely different. Our sexual response flows and changes, and often the descriptions you hear won’t exactly match your experience. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it is just an example of how sexual response is truly unique to each of us.
Problems with Traditional Descriptions of Sexual Response
Most of the teaching about sexual response is based on the research of Masters and Johnson first published in 1966, and Helen Singer Kaplan’s alternate model developed in the early 1970s. There are a number of potential problems with the way that sexual response has traditionally been defined:

* Early research had several limitations, not least of which is the fact that the sexual response of individuals willing and able to be observed and monitored while having sex may differ in many ways from the general public.
* Sexual response is traditionally only described in terms of physical events (heart rate, blood pressure, engorgement, etc…). While sexual response may be observed in the body, it is experiencedcognitively and psychologically, and our subjective experience of sexual response should be included in descriptions.
* Creating artificial stages of sexual response ends up informing both research and clinical practice, and by encouraging us to focus on small parts of our sexual experience may create a problem of “not seeing the forest from the trees”.

5/20/2008

How To Masturbation for Women

Masturbation is considered by many to be the cornerstone of sexual health. Because you get to do it by yourself, on your own terms, it’s probably the best way to learn what turns you on. Women are raised with little information about their genitals, and sex, including masturbation doesn’t actually come naturally for everyone. Some women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, others enjoy vaginal penetration or G-Spot stimulation. Remember, there’s no wrong way to masturbate; everyone is different!

Fantasize for masturbation.
Recall an exciting past sexual encounter or elaborate on a favorite sexual fantasy. If you need a boost, look at a sexy magazine, read an erotic story, or watch an adult video. Allow your mind to explore any images--anything goes as long as it heightens your excitement.

Explore all parts of your body.
Run your hands along parts of your body, lingering along areas that are more responsive to touch than others. Look at your genitals in a mirror (especially if you're unfamiliar with them) and caress the different parts to see what feels especially good. Find and touch your inner and outer labia, your clitoris, your vagina and your perineum.

Touch yourself.
Using one or two fingers, rhythmically stroke the different parts of your vulva, paying particular attention to your clitoris and labia. Experiment with different types of pressure, speed and motion. Try placing a finger on either side of the clitoris and stroking up and down, or placing two fingers on the clitoral hood and rubbing in a circular motion.

Experiment.
Try different types of touch: stroke, tickle, knead, pinch, or lightly pull your genitals. Try using one or several fingers, the palm of your hand, even your knuckles.

Build up excitement.
Learn to hold onto sexual excitement by building up and then reducing or temporarily stopping the stimulation. Pay attention to how your body is responding. It will tell you the particular stroke that feels best and when to pick up or slow down the tempo.

Breathe and rock.
Breathe deeply rather than hold your breath. This helps release the sexual energy, rather than fight it. Rock your pelvis as you would during intercourse. Rhythmically clench and release your PC muscle (using a dildo for vaginal penetration can help).

Getting over the top.
If your hand gets tired, give yourself a rest, switch hands, or try a vibrator. If you're on the brink of orgasm, but can't quite get over the hump, try altering you’re breathing, or focusing on a really hot fantasy. Give yourself extra stimulation: caress your nipples, or try also thrusting your other fingers or a dildo in and out of your vagina.

Ride the Wave.
As you begin to orgasm, continue the stimulation through the orgasm. Lighten up on the stimulation during the first extremely sensitive moments but keep it going to enjoy those little pleasurable aftershocks. Your first orgasm may feel like a blip or a blast, but the more you practice, the more variety you will experience.

Practice makes for perfect masturbation.
Don't worry if you don't come on your first try, keep practicing, or try some of the variations below.

Tips:

Vibrators take some of the manual labor out of masturbation by providing direct, intense physical stimulation to the clitoris.

Water helps many women learn to masturbate. Lie back with legs spread in a bath with a shower hose and direct the stream of water at your clitoris. Vary the pressure, the pulsation, and the temperature. Alternate methods: slide your butt over the drain so your legs are up in the air and your genitals are up under the tub faucet (rather awkward but do-able), or use Jacuzzi jets.

Rub against something--a pillow, the corner of some furniture, a dildo.
Dildos can be a pleasurable accompaniment to clitoral masturbation, as they offer the fullness of penetration and can also stimulate the G-Spot.

How To Masturbation for Men

Masturbation is considered by many to be the cornerstone of sexual health. Most men believe that they already know everything about their own genitals and sexual response. It’s all out there, boys will be boys, etc. But just because you know how your tools work, doesn’t mean you can build the Eiffel Tower. In fact most men experience a fraction of their full erotic and orgasmic potential. Read on for tips on masturbation techniques that can help you explore all your body has to offer.

Here's How:
Make time for more than a quickie.
Most guys first learn to masturbate in secret and furtive ways. They do it quickly and need to figure out what to do with the evidence afterward. This can create a powerful pattern of masturbating quickly, without paying attention to where your sexual arousal can take you. To start exploring something different, make sure you have some extended time and privacy for yourself, where you aren’t trying to finish quick before someone interrupts.

Turn off the porn (just for a while) and tune into your body.
Not everyone likes porn, but a lot of guys do, and while porn can be great, it also takes you out of your body a bit with the fantasy. This can distract you from what’s actually happening in your body. You don’t need to throw the porn away, but for a few times, masturbate without porn, and objectify yourself for a change!

Do a…dry…run through.
Bad pun aside, it’s a good idea to try the above suggestions, and then just masturbate as you normally would. As you do this pay attention:
Changes in your breathing: Does it become shallow and quick, slower and deeper?
Changes in your body: is there tension in some places, and relaxation in others? Is this the same every time you masturbate?
How does it feel just before you have an orgasm?
How does it feel as you orgasm, and immediately post-orgasm?

Time to switch it up.
Men learn early in their lives the most effective way to get themselves off. And most never waver from the utilitarian approach to self love. But sex is less like a well oiled machine, and more like a chaotic food fair, where there is an endless selection of ways to satisfy your appetites. So it’s time to throw a wrench in the works and shake up your routine. Try any combination of the following suggestions:

Does your left hand know what your right hand is doing?
Do you always use the same one hand to masturbate? Most guys do. If you’re among them, start with the simple tip of switching hands. It can feel strange at first, the rhythm might be off, it’s almost like sex with someone new for the first time. Enjoy the newness, and see if a new hand can teach an old hand some tricks.

Experiment with positions.
If you aren’t an experimental type, it’s time to start. If you’re used to masturbating lying down on your back, try sitting up. If you normally sit in a chair, try standing, or kneeling. As with all these changes, this might feel ridiculous at first, and you’ll probably go back to old faithful, but see what masturbation feels like in different positions, and notice if it brings with it any new sensations.

Get your hips moving.
The way your body moves when you masturbate is probably very different from the way it moves when you’re having sex with someone else. Many men don’t move at all when they masturbate. Try to move your hips when you masturbate, simulating the thrusting of intercourse. Notice how moving your hips in different ways can bring you closer to, and at times take you farther away from, the point of orgasm.

Use different hand strokes.
Most men learn early on that a vigorous stroke does the trick. This intense up and down stimulation usually ends in a good orgasm. But there are dozens of other strokes that each bring with them different sensations, and different orgasms. Roll your penis in between your hands, moving your hands up and down your shaft. Try using long twisting strokes instead of just up and down. Experiment with different movements, pressures, and speeds.

Explore your shaft.

While most of the nerve endings on the penis are at the head, and specifically the frenulum, many men will have spots on their shaft that are unusually sensitive. Try putting one hand at the base of your penis and press it towards your body while experimenting with different hand strokes along the shaft of your penis. Treat this like a treasure hunt, and try to feel the difference between one side and the other, between stimulation near the base and up near the tip.

Reach around, yourself.
For many men the balls (testicles) are a very sensitive area that responds well to feelings of touch and pressure. Take your forefinger and thumb and make them in a circle at the top of your scrotum. Gently tug on your scrotum as your masturbating. This is both a way to prevent you from ejaculating and a way to extend sexual feelings in your body. Experiment with other kinds of touch including tickling, scratching, and rubbing.

Check out the neighborhood.
While the penis and scrotum tend to be the epicenter of masturbatory attention, if you’re looking to open things up a bit, be sure to take a tour of some other nearby areas. The perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, is very sensitive to pressure and massage, and rubbing it provides external prostate stimulation. Speaking of which, don’t be afraid to explore the anus, both externally and by using a finger for penetration.

Bring it all together.
Not everything you try is going to do it for you, but the idea behind the above tips is to try lots of different things, and then incorporate whatever you like into the ways you regularly masturbate. Maybe it’s a different stroke, or position, or breathing technique. Obviously there is no one, correct way to masturbate, and even if you’ve got something that works for you, consider the fact that there could be more out there if you experiment with it.

Tips:

Another myth about male masturbation is that you shouldn’t use anything other than you hand. While your hand might be doing the trick, adding some accessories can make the stimulation even more intense, and inspire more creativity with yourself, and with partners.
Get a good quality personal lubricant . If it’s only for masturbation you can use something that’s oil based without worrying about condom compatibility. Oil based products are better because they won’t dry up.

Add a sex toy into the mix. It might be a vibrator, a dildo, or a cock ring (if you’ve never tried one I recommend trying one on your own before you use it with a partner). Sex toys can add a completely new kind of stimulation, and accentuate the manual stimulation your doing.

Masturbation Sex Positions

If you’re looking for basic information on masturbating, check out masturbation techniques for men and masturbation techniques for women. Great sex positions are ones that are comfortable, let you do what you want (by yourself or with partners), and don't take away from your experience of sexual pleasure. Test your sex positions knowledge with our sex positions quiz.Betty Dodson, considered by many to be the Grandmother of Masturbation, often writes about the way we hold our bodies when we masturbate. Many of us keep very stiff (no pun intended) and still when we masturbate, and only relax once we have climaxed. In her books and videos, Dodson highlights the importance of moving while you masturbate.One aspect of this is the physical position we put our body in when we masturbate. Because masturbation is often considered purely for its functional benefits (rather than an expression of love or lust or creativity) most people don’t think about variations on sexual positions for masturbation. There are thousands of variations, but here are some basic ideas to spark your imagination.

Masturbation Sex Position - Stretch and Relax :
This position is the antidote for those who tense up and never move during masturbation. Before you begin, lie on your back, and stretch your arms and legs out as far as possible, making your body into an “X” shape. Try to hold the stretch for ten seconds. Do this a few times before you begin masturbating. As you masturbate try to keep your body stretched out as much as is comfortable, think about it as if you are trying to take up as much space on the bed as you can.

Masturbation Sex Position – Knees Bent/Hips Open: This is a classic position for masturbation. Lie on your back with your feet on your floor and knees bent. Focus on how your hips feel, and the different kinds of hip movements that are comfortable and possible in this position. A variation of this position is to bring your knees close to your chest. This position is all about rocking your hips and opening them up to the energy that is created as you masturbate.

Masturbation Sex Position - On Your Knees: This may seem like an odd position but that is partly the point. Find a comfortable position on your knees, with a pillow underneath them. Try it with your body upright, as if standing on your knees. Be on your knees but leaning back resting on your calves You can even try to masturbate while on your hands and knees (although you’ll probably have at least one hand occupied, so be careful with your balance). The point is to see how masturbation and orgasm feels, in these different positions.

Masturbation Sex Position - Heels over Head : Not everyone will be flexible enough for this masturbation sex position, but you can experiment with variations that will work for you. Lie on your back and bring your legs up so that they are pointing to your head. You can keep your legs together or spread them apart, you can bend your knees or keep them straight. In this position you have access not just to your genitals but also your sides, your behind, and your legs. Put a pillow under your hips

Masturbation Sex Position – Half on/Half off: This position is designed to get you playing with gravity. In this position you want to have part of your body on a flat surface (like a bed or the floor) and another part of your body at a different level. So you might lie on your back near a wall with your legs up on the wall. Or try lying on your stomach at the edge of the bed with your waist and legs off the bed. Or masturbate while sitting up completely straight, so that your upper torso is sitting up and your lower body is lying flat.

Masturbation Sex Position – Dancing on the WallsLie on your back either on bed or the floor, but right by a wall. Position your waist so that your bum is right by the wall, and raise your legs going straight up the wall (it’s like that “bicycle” exercise position). A variation of this is to keep your bum slightly away from the wall and put your feet flat against the wall with your knees bent (so that when you push with your feet you are moving your body away from the wall). This position is another good one for exploring hip movements, and you can experiment with pushing against the wall with your feet as you masturbate.

Masturbation Sex Position - All Curled Up and Nowhere to GoThis position for masturbation is about drawing your body in on itself. You can curl up on your side, on your back, or on your hands and knees. In each position your genitals are still exposed and it’s easiest to use a sex toy for masturbating in these positions. You may not notice much while masturbating in this position, but once you’ve finished, stretch out, and pay close attention to how your body feels.

What is masturbation and how do you do it?

Masturbation is when people touch their own bodies for sexual pleasure. People masturbate in lots of different ways. Touching your own body for sexual pleasure is different for everyone, depending on what makes your body feel good.

Males usually stroke or rub the penis or press their penis against a mattress. Females usually use their fingers to touch themselves on or near the clitoris, the sensitive bump above the opening of the vagina. Masturbation sometimes results in orgasm; sometimes it doesn't.

Masturbation can be a great way to release sexual tension or desire without involving anyone else or risking pregnancy and diseases. People of all ages masturbate -- from infants to old people. Some people believe that masturbation is a normal, healthy thing for people to do. Some people believe that masturbation is wrong. You need to decide for yourself what you believe, and whether or not you want to experiment with touching your own body. If so, just make sure you have some privacy.

Female Masturbation

The first time I ever masturbated was in the middle of 7th grade English class.

Our school happened to have a sustained silent reading program and once a week our teacher was obligated to force us to read something, anything, (preferably without pictures) in a vain attempt to improve our overall vocabulary. Personally, I relished the time. Rarely did I need an excuse to read.

It was during silent reading time that I suddenly found myself overcome by an almost irresistible urge to pee. Briefly, I thought about raising my hand and requesting a hall pass. However, I was in the middle of a particularly smutty sex scene in my book and I was reluctant to put it down for even the 10 minutes it would take me to run to the restroom and back. Instead, I resigned myself to doing the ‘pee dance’ in my seat, shifting around from side to side like an excited second grader, as I gobbled up sentence after sentence with my eyes on the page before me.

Out of nowhere, my thighs started to spasm. Panicked, I looked up from my book to see if anyone was watching me. Luckily, everyone was obediently reading or sleeping, so I was free to conduct my mini break down in relative peace. With a choking sigh, I slumped over on my desk and forced myself to breath slowly.

After a few moments, the feeling finally passed. When the bell rang a couple of minutes later, I escaped into the hall without the vaguest notion of what had happened to me.

It took 2 full weeks jam packed full of fresh incidents before I made the connection that the episodes nearly always occurred when I was reading a book. It took another week on top of that for me to realize they happened whenever I was reading a sex scene, in particular. But even as I made the connections, I tried to deny what was happening. I told myself that my body was being ‘all weird’ and I had nothing to do with it.

But the truth was I was masturbating.

What was so foolish and silly about the whole thing was my aversion to touching myself. I would twist around in my seat. I would rub up against my blankets, spray myself with water, or gyrate in my clothes. Yet…yet…I could not bring myself to connect my finger to my clit.

It was almost as if my lack of finger action gave me some sort of victim status. After all, if I never made the conscious decision to diddle myself, I could continue to pretend that my body had a mind of its own and I was helpless against it. Right?

This went on for months. It might have gone on forever, if not for the fact that every instance of muffled masturbation produced a more and more muffled orgasm. Like a heroin addict who needs more drugs to achieve the same high, I found myself pacing my room frantically wondering how I could intensify the feeling between my legs.

Finally, that fateful, desperate day arrived where finger finally connected with clit and life became an almost nonstop blur of chronic masturbation. I masturbated when I woke up in the morning. I masturbated in between classes at school, hidden in the rarely used 3rd floor restroom. When I got home from school, I holed up in my room with my hand permanently attached to my crotch. I touched myself so often that a few times my wrist literally gave out on me. But even as I clutched it, moaning with pain, I would find myself eying my room looking for alternative ways to get myself off.

I was a goddamn fiend.
Anyway, the reason I bring this up now is because a friend and I were recently discussing all the odd fetish porn out there nowadays. One of us brought up balloon porn (girls masturbating with a balloons, yes, there is a market for this shit) and I started laughing as I remembered all the fucked up shit I masturbated with as a teenager while I waited for my poor wrist to heal.

However, after thinking about it in depth some more, I was struck by how hard it was for me to actually touch myself in the first goddamn place. Never in my life had anyone told me that touching my nether regions was gross or dirty or anything like that, either. In fact, no one had mentioned masturbation at all. Still, I was definitely skeeved out by the idea.

To this day, I have no idea why.

5/15/2008

My History

Art Masturbation. Female masturbation seems to intrigue a lot of people, either because they can’t figure out how common it is, or how girls do it at all. Or, of course, for voyeuristic reasons, as has been the case with most of the email anticipating this page.

I don’t really know what proportion of girls masturbate, or how often, but I do it. Sometimes a lot, sometimes not as much. Not very much lately, because I live with my beloved boy and have sex almost every day, but when one of us goes somewhere for any length of time, I masturbate some.

There are lots of reasons that I have masturbated. Most often just because I wanted to, but also occasionally to get to sleep, or to help cramps or a headache, and sometimes to help get aroused, in which case I wouldn’t follow through to orgasm. I didn’t ever masturbate to relax before a date or a party.

The first time I masturbated was in grade 8. The idea hadn’t occurred to me until it was discussed in sex education class. The class convinced me that it wasn’t wrong or unhealthy, but I knew that my dork status would be elevated to perverted dork if anyone ever had reason to suspect my habits.

Until about grade 10, I don’t remember having any kind of discussion about masturbation with any of my friends, except in the context of dirty jokes. For the rest of high school, the most myself or my girl friends would say was impersonal and kind of political. Agreeing that masturbation by girls in general should be accepted, the way it was for boys. Stating that it was silly that a masturbating boy was deemed healthy while a masturbating girl should be taken to the doctor. I don’t remember guys getting in on the discussion.

That was all more applicable in a small, redneck town such as we lived in. Some girl once made a comment in health class to the effect that she couldn’t be expected to know what her vagina looked like because she would never, ever look at it. Only my friend and myself were taken aback.

Until I was about 20, I never discussed or referred to masturbation, so I didn't develop any other names for it. I knew various names but didn’t use them. I don’t remember telling a lot of masturbation jokes, and I’m pretty sure I never accused anybody of it or made fun of them for it. Currently, I prefer to refer to my own masturbation as either "availing myself of myself," or as, umm... beating my meat (when I am being silly).

The only girl I have ever witnessed masturbating was at a sleepover in grade nine, when I woke up early. It was nothing graphic (she was still laying in bed), I could just tell what she was doing. All I thought was that she was kind of dumb for not realizing I was awake, as I presumed she didn’t want me to see.

She was proceeding in about the same way I would, as far as I could tell, and the existence of radically different methods didn’t occur to me until like last year, when I was reading a lamely-executed masturbation resource page for entertainment.